End

It's over, me & you )':

I am crying so much right now. I cant believe you would do this to me. All these while my friends/my sister have been saying such nasty things about you, but i chose not to listen.

I pictured our future together. You got me thinking about our house and kids. We made all sorts of plans. I was too sure back then. What just happened? What am i doing? Why am I in this state? I just feel so pathetic right now. I feel like a worthless crap. I cant even get a guy to love me. Been falling for the wrong guy every time )': Everything's affecting me. Sometimes I wish could just leave from everyone's sight. Things would be much happier then.

I cant stop crying. You played me out then walked out on me. Thanks for the lesson

Liar

Recently i found out that yat played this social app thingy called "MeetMe" It's kinda like a facebook thing where you can socialise and meet new friends some stuffs like that? Okay so apparently that poor guy forgot to switch off his activity log in facebook, so thats how i come to know he plays 'em. His activity log was like... "Myth checked out (this girl) out". Actually i dont really care much about that. Yknw, boys being boys. The interesting part was when I asked yat, he DENIED everything. Yes, everything. The fact that he played that app, the fact he checked that girl out...he denied everything. And he can even claimed he's a faithful boyfriend. Like what the fuck?I never really wanna blow things up or make it into a big issue. But i hate it when the evidence is right there infront of me, yet he still has the cheek to lie to me. I forgive cheaters, but i dont forgive liars.

So when he claimed he's a "faithful boyfriend", I asked him whether I could check his facebook and stuff. I asked for his email and password, just to scare him out you see. I never really check my exs' facebook and all. I do have their email and password, but i never really check them. I mean there should be trust in relationships, right? Therefore, I trusted yat. But this was his reply "if you wanna start all this 'i have to know your password and stuff' i dont like it." That answer....no kidding. I wanna check his facebook more than anything in this world.

His excuses are all so lame. He said im being controlling? Which part of it is controlling? Controlling is like this. "Dont mix with your friends anymore" or "dont text ur girl-friends" or "dont look at any girls except me" Now thats being controlling freak. I merely asked for his facebook. Oh god i am so pissed whenever i recalled the words he cussed at me. And end up he asked for a breakup. Whatever. I cant tolerate this anymore. The more I tried in keeping this relationship together, the more hurt i get. He didnt even bother to make an effort or something. I hate how my personal problems affects my studies. I cant really think straight in school whenever I feel fucked up

i miss you. so much.

Hie. It's been awhile Ive posted in here. Well basically Im here only when I just feel like there is no one else to pour out my problems to, and sometimes I feel this is the best way to express myself. I do have twitter account, but I can't possibly rant every single thing there due to the character limits. So, screw twitter's 140 character limits. Yeah. \m/

Ive been bottling myself up these few days. I get sick often and nobody knows about it. Ive been experiencing shortness of breath lately. Went to doctor's few weeks ago and doctor said Im developing an acute asthma? So yeh, I should probably cut down on smoking zz

So..what am I thinking right now. Tons of things. Parents, school and relationship.

Parents. My parents are not in good terms. Not long ago, Dad chases Mom out of the room. He told Mom not to sleep with him in the same room anymore. Mom now sleeps on a small mattress in my brother's room while on the other hand, Dad just dont give a flying fuck about her. It really breaks my heart to pieces to see that. So what actually happened? Mom thinks Dad is cheating on her but up till now there isnt any evidence or prove to show that Dad is really cheating. Dad thinks me & sister are in cahoots with Mom, sort of letting Mom having those ideas in her head not stopping her. It's not true of course. We just don't wanna get involve with their love life. And right now, Dad has seriously a major issues with us both. Everything we did, is just an eyesore to him. Not long ago, me & Dad had a fight. It was the first time in my life I shouted at him. I went like "DIAM LA SIAL" to his face. Lol. It wasnt on purpose, I swear. I guess everything has its limit. Now its such a dread going home. I know it's not right to say this, but as much as Im grateful that Dad had brought me into this world, I wish he could just fuck off from my life. Life would be much happier then.

School. Recently I was caught for leaving my attachment workplace earlier then when I was supposed to. Due to that, I failed my posting and had to repeat it along with my classmate. I was given counselling after counselling afterwhich. Cried number of times whenever they asked this simple question. 'How is your parents? What are your parents doing?'. It was such a simple question but it brought me to tears whenever some stupid mofos asked me that. I had no idea I'd get so sensitive -.- So anyway, what Im trying to say is, I dont see any future of me becoming a nurse. Going to school and attachment is such a dread for me. Being a nurse is too tiring. Then what do I want to be? A question I always ask. Well to be honest, i dont even know myself.

Relationship. Me & Yat got together on October 12. It's been two months. Time flies. I love and care for him. He's the kind of boyfriend you would never sick and get tired of. But honestly, I dont know whether he is the right one for me. Im happy being with him but there is just something about him that causes me to think twice. His anger. You know how people would say 'If a guy raises his voice at your face, sooner or later dont be surprised if he raises his hand too.' That's the only thing I'm afraid of. I dont want to be a victim of an assault or something. Everytime we had a small argument, he'd turn it into a big issue. You know like, small spark making it into one hell of a fire? Yeah that. But not only that, he would mention the breakup E V E R Y T I M E. I know he's manipulating me by using that word. I know what he's doing. The feeling of power and superiority. Like he thinks he can control me like he owns me or smtg. He knows Im weak and I'd never give up on the relationship. But to tell you the truth, im already halfway giving up. I don't know how to deal with this kind of situation anymore. I'd say all these now but I know I'd always bounce back to him. Sigh. I just don't know what to do. If only he knows how much I cried for him and how much it hurts me when he tossed me aside like garbage. Somehow, I know we can never be together in the end cause deep down, I know Im not the one for him too )':

Unappreciated, unloved, unworthy.

its me against the world.