Im in love.

Im in love with the someone in the past. Im in love with the same person all over again. Deeper, in fact this time. Up till now im still amazed how we got in touch again after all those years we've been apart. It all started from just one text from him on fb. "Heyy".

THE PAST
Our mutual friends have been telling me how badly he wanted me back in his life, how desperate he was, asking help from my close friends, how he waited for me for more than a year. But i chose not to listen to any of those, cause I thought I deserve better than him. We had a good, 2 long years together in the past. And 90% of my secondary school life revolves around him. And whenever I reminisce about my secondary school days, his face would never fail to pop out in my mind. No one else. Only him. So I thought that 2 years was enough. I needed a break from him. Away from him.

Keyword: I thought.

MY PAST RELATIONSHIPS
Ive dated a few guys after him. And they werent the best a girl would ever ask for.

1) Ive dated a guy who said im 'distrupting' his relationship with God (he was a pious kid who spends most his time at the mosque). Really dude? No doubt, I once said I wanted a pious and responsible guy to lead me in life. But a guy who actually looked down on me just because Ive little knowledge on religion? Hah. Shame on you.

2) Ive dated a real douchbag who was a complete asshole. This, was indeed a mistake. I made so many sins with this guy. I learn how to steal, drank for the first time, I overdose myself with sleeping pills, I took drugs with him, and he took my virginity away like it was nothing. He even had the cheeks to cheat on me. Often, he'd beat me up, curse and hurl all kind of profanities to me. Sometimes, in public. I remember he had a stupid tiff with one of my friends and he asked me for his number. I refused to give it to him and he created a scene in the bus. I was so ashamed. Once we alighted, he pushed me. I fell on the ground, and he dragged me across the road....hmm yeh.

After each relationships, I found myself thinking about Aidil. But it was never the 'i-miss-him' thoughts. It was more like a "Aidil would never do that to me" kind of thoughts. I never really think much about him nor did I dwell on it. So, yeh truth is he would automatically appear in my head each time my rship ended.


HIS RSHIP
Months apart. We never talked anymore. Only heard from my friends that he has a gf. I be lying if I said I didnt get jealous. Sure, I do get jealous when I heard about it but I felt happier more. I was elated he finally found someone, and he's happy. The thing I wanted him to do most for the past 2 years after we broke up was for him to move on. And he did and I was happy for him. Sincerely.

HE TEXTED
I was never into him before. Not anymore, after we broke up. He did message me and stuff. But I tried to keep the conversation short cause I know he will ask for more. Whenever he tried to strike a conversation with me, I shut them down on him. Years went by. Have not heard from him since (not that I was waiting for his text). Never thought about him much the past years. I do came across his fb status on my timeline once in a while. But thats just it.

One day, he decided to drop me a message. "Hey, saw you at Tenaga coffee shop the other day". At first I didnt want to reply to him. I know how complicated things will get if I did. But I did anyway. Maybe I just wanted to know how he has been doing. We exchanged a few conversations and I tried to keep it as short as possible.

Then, he asked me out. I did not want to meet him at first. I know how complicated things will get if I did. But I agreed to meet anyway. Maybe I just want to see if there were any differences. Did he gain weight? Did he grow any more taller? Any changes to his face? His hair?

So we met. The first thing I found myself familiarizing was his smell. His scent rather. Yes, his scent was exactly the same, 6 years ago.

We had a good time together. We spent the whole day just talking and reminiscing about all the happy and sad moments we shared. How he remembers all the little details about me, how we first met, how we got together, how we spent almost every hour, every min, every sec in school etc. Like a blink of an eye, the day went by. He sent me home, and we hugged for few minutes. 

Suddenly the old feelings came rushing back.It was only then I realized, I've missed him. I've missed him so much. I realized I was making excuses for myself to talk to him, to see him, to hug him. I wish I could go back in time to just to be with him again and to make up the times that we lost each other, the times I broke his heart, the times he waited for about a year and a half for me. I want to make each day counts, with him.

But I guess everything has its own reason as to why certain things happened. I guess the years we're apart and those painful heartbreaks I experienced from my exs suddenly makes me realized how great of a man Aidil really is. It made me realized to appreciate his presence more. It made me realised that all those times he entered my mind was because I missed him. I miss being happy with him. I miss sharing the hard times with him. I miss his face, his eyes, his long eyelashes, his black natural eyeliner, his voices, his touches, his hugs, his kisses, everything.

Thank you, for entering my life again. Like they say, no matter how far we wander, if its meant to be, we'll be together again. And Ive learnt to cherish this relationship more than ever. I will love you, forever.

The End.

AnnoyingBitchyCharlotte

So i knew yat and this girl, Charlotte were in contact...as a friend. And i seriously dont mind at all. He told me that Charlotte has a depression and she wants to commit suicide (-.- which is utterly so immature) . She is currently residing in Switzerland right now So, i thought "Yeah, fine. Yat just wanna help her out. Besides, she lives in switz so there wont be any harm right."

Well apparently, that asshole Yat forgot to delete his conversation with that motherbitch and I happened to read it. And hey! Surprise surprise! They were talking about sex, screaming each other's name while doing so, cuddling each other in bed, liking each other. They even skyped together! God knows whether that bitch showed off her tits or smtg. Like tha fuck man? When i read those messages, yat tried to snatch his phone from me. So what does that proves? Guilty?

I went back home, locked my bedroom door and cried my eyes out (luckily no one saw me crying at home, else i'll be a laughing stock in the family). The one thing im pretty much upset was Yat never showed any kind of remorse, or apologetic at least. He even told me to break up. His mistake, but he's trying to cover up by breaking up with me. Aint that a very immature thing to do? I couldnt take it so I met him at Sengkang. Yes, i initiated the meetup. Not him. Me.

So many things happened. Dont wish to rant all of them here. Well yea Yat texted her that he dont want to talk her anymore. That, i really appreciate it. But it's just wasnt enough. History can repeat itself. Im pretty sure of it. Honestly, deep down in my heart even though i want this relationship to last, i doubt it can ):

End

It's over, me & you )':

I am crying so much right now. I cant believe you would do this to me. All these while my friends/my sister have been saying such nasty things about you, but i chose not to listen.

I pictured our future together. You got me thinking about our house and kids. We made all sorts of plans. I was too sure back then. What just happened? What am i doing? Why am I in this state? I just feel so pathetic right now. I feel like a worthless crap. I cant even get a guy to love me. Been falling for the wrong guy every time )': Everything's affecting me. Sometimes I wish could just leave from everyone's sight. Things would be much happier then.

I cant stop crying. You played me out then walked out on me. Thanks for the lesson

Liar

Recently i found out that yat played this social app thingy called "MeetMe" It's kinda like a facebook thing where you can socialise and meet new friends some stuffs like that? Okay so apparently that poor guy forgot to switch off his activity log in facebook, so thats how i come to know he plays 'em. His activity log was like... "Myth checked out (this girl) out". Actually i dont really care much about that. Yknw, boys being boys. The interesting part was when I asked yat, he DENIED everything. Yes, everything. The fact that he played that app, the fact he checked that girl out...he denied everything. And he can even claimed he's a faithful boyfriend. Like what the fuck?I never really wanna blow things up or make it into a big issue. But i hate it when the evidence is right there infront of me, yet he still has the cheek to lie to me. I forgive cheaters, but i dont forgive liars.

So when he claimed he's a "faithful boyfriend", I asked him whether I could check his facebook and stuff. I asked for his email and password, just to scare him out you see. I never really check my exs' facebook and all. I do have their email and password, but i never really check them. I mean there should be trust in relationships, right? Therefore, I trusted yat. But this was his reply "if you wanna start all this 'i have to know your password and stuff' i dont like it." That answer....no kidding. I wanna check his facebook more than anything in this world.

His excuses are all so lame. He said im being controlling? Which part of it is controlling? Controlling is like this. "Dont mix with your friends anymore" or "dont text ur girl-friends" or "dont look at any girls except me" Now thats being controlling freak. I merely asked for his facebook. Oh god i am so pissed whenever i recalled the words he cussed at me. And end up he asked for a breakup. Whatever. I cant tolerate this anymore. The more I tried in keeping this relationship together, the more hurt i get. He didnt even bother to make an effort or something. I hate how my personal problems affects my studies. I cant really think straight in school whenever I feel fucked up

i miss you. so much.