Im in love.

Im in love with the someone in the past. Im in love with the same person all over again. Deeper, in fact this time. Up till now im still amazed how we got in touch again after all those years we've been apart. It all started from just one text from him on fb. "Heyy".

THE PAST
Our mutual friends have been telling me how badly he wanted me back in his life, how desperate he was, asking help from my close friends, how he waited for me for more than a year. But i chose not to listen to any of those, cause I thought I deserve better than him. We had a good, 2 long years together in the past. And 90% of my secondary school life revolves around him. And whenever I reminisce about my secondary school days, his face would never fail to pop out in my mind. No one else. Only him. So I thought that 2 years was enough. I needed a break from him. Away from him.

Keyword: I thought.

MY PAST RELATIONSHIPS
Ive dated a few guys after him. And they werent the best a girl would ever ask for.

1) Ive dated a guy who said im 'distrupting' his relationship with God (he was a pious kid who spends most his time at the mosque). Really dude? No doubt, I once said I wanted a pious and responsible guy to lead me in life. But a guy who actually looked down on me just because Ive little knowledge on religion? Hah. Shame on you.

2) Ive dated a real douchbag who was a complete asshole. This, was indeed a mistake. I made so many sins with this guy. I learn how to steal, drank for the first time, I overdose myself with sleeping pills, I took drugs with him, and he took my virginity away like it was nothing. He even had the cheeks to cheat on me. Often, he'd beat me up, curse and hurl all kind of profanities to me. Sometimes, in public. I remember he had a stupid tiff with one of my friends and he asked me for his number. I refused to give it to him and he created a scene in the bus. I was so ashamed. Once we alighted, he pushed me. I fell on the ground, and he dragged me across the road....hmm yeh.

After each relationships, I found myself thinking about Aidil. But it was never the 'i-miss-him' thoughts. It was more like a "Aidil would never do that to me" kind of thoughts. I never really think much about him nor did I dwell on it. So, yeh truth is he would automatically appear in my head each time my rship ended.


HIS RSHIP
Months apart. We never talked anymore. Only heard from my friends that he has a gf. I be lying if I said I didnt get jealous. Sure, I do get jealous when I heard about it but I felt happier more. I was elated he finally found someone, and he's happy. The thing I wanted him to do most for the past 2 years after we broke up was for him to move on. And he did and I was happy for him. Sincerely.

HE TEXTED
I was never into him before. Not anymore, after we broke up. He did message me and stuff. But I tried to keep the conversation short cause I know he will ask for more. Whenever he tried to strike a conversation with me, I shut them down on him. Years went by. Have not heard from him since (not that I was waiting for his text). Never thought about him much the past years. I do came across his fb status on my timeline once in a while. But thats just it.

One day, he decided to drop me a message. "Hey, saw you at Tenaga coffee shop the other day". At first I didnt want to reply to him. I know how complicated things will get if I did. But I did anyway. Maybe I just wanted to know how he has been doing. We exchanged a few conversations and I tried to keep it as short as possible.

Then, he asked me out. I did not want to meet him at first. I know how complicated things will get if I did. But I agreed to meet anyway. Maybe I just want to see if there were any differences. Did he gain weight? Did he grow any more taller? Any changes to his face? His hair?

So we met. The first thing I found myself familiarizing was his smell. His scent rather. Yes, his scent was exactly the same, 6 years ago.

We had a good time together. We spent the whole day just talking and reminiscing about all the happy and sad moments we shared. How he remembers all the little details about me, how we first met, how we got together, how we spent almost every hour, every min, every sec in school etc. Like a blink of an eye, the day went by. He sent me home, and we hugged for few minutes. 

Suddenly the old feelings came rushing back.It was only then I realized, I've missed him. I've missed him so much. I realized I was making excuses for myself to talk to him, to see him, to hug him. I wish I could go back in time to just to be with him again and to make up the times that we lost each other, the times I broke his heart, the times he waited for about a year and a half for me. I want to make each day counts, with him.

But I guess everything has its own reason as to why certain things happened. I guess the years we're apart and those painful heartbreaks I experienced from my exs suddenly makes me realized how great of a man Aidil really is. It made me realized to appreciate his presence more. It made me realised that all those times he entered my mind was because I missed him. I miss being happy with him. I miss sharing the hard times with him. I miss his face, his eyes, his long eyelashes, his black natural eyeliner, his voices, his touches, his hugs, his kisses, everything.

Thank you, for entering my life again. Like they say, no matter how far we wander, if its meant to be, we'll be together again. And Ive learnt to cherish this relationship more than ever. I will love you, forever.

The End.